Journal #2/ 10-17-02

Just got done feedin' about a million ducks at a water canal in Venice. We stayed up 'till about 6:00 in the mornin' & then crashed on Venice beach. We got up at about 9:30 or so. It sucked puttin' my bike together last night when we got here (not that I did any of the work)- but then we biked a little & ended up just comin' back & takin' a bus over here. We got off as soon as Brett noticed the library. The one he always went to.Then we biked to the beach, & then biked to a 24 hr grocery. We got some food & as we sat eating it, this guy gave us 10 bucks. He said he & his girl have "been there". He was real nice. (We also met a man on the train, he called himself T.R. He was a funny guy w/tons of stories. He gave us 6 bucks for food & an envelope w/his address & stamps to mail him the money back!) Then we biked around the marinas. SO beautiful! We found Augustino's boat! We sat by the marina Brett & Kit lived at w/their boat & talked about- well, first he reminisced for a while- & then we talked about all the **** we could do. Gettin' a sailboat, jobs, livin' on it, gettin' Runty out here, buyin' Inka (The female Rottweiler I had wanted at the time). My mom visiting. I hadn't seen much of the place & it was night & my first impression was that I loved it. It was a good first night here. This mornin' we signed up for a free meal tomorrow & we're goin' over to the library soon.

I emailed my mom 'cause she emailed me from a friend's computer. We went to the Marina Del Rey library instead & while I was lookin' at Andy Warhol books, & we were both waiting for the computer, I guess Brett overheard 2 men talkin' about a guy that's moving & needs to sell his sailboat immediately $2,000 or less. It's a 32' & so we went to go look at it- not talkin' to the guy yet- & it's huge! & beautiful. We're both ecstatic. (The picture to the right is what it looked like when we first saw it. Although it was basically used as storage for lots of garbage, we saw the beautiful boat it used to be...& wished to be again) Now we're at the showers by the marina. Brett remembered the code & he's takin' his shower now. I'll take mine next if the code is the same for the women's. We have to try & look our best & go some how find that man & talk to him. I'm worried we won't find him. Then- I have to call my mom. I have to tell her about it & ask to have the $600.00 that's in my/her credit union wired to me. We can safely offer this guy $1,600.00 & still have money for 1 month's rent. But we'll both have to get jobs right away & geez! This is happening way too fast! It's so good though. I keep remembering now & again that I'm hungry. We haven't eaten anything, but half a sandwich each this mornin'. I NEED COFFEE! Oh- & we don't even know if we can have a slip ( a place to "park" the boat) here, 'cause we're not residents. & who knows if that costs more!? All I do know is that I prayed, & I know that whatever happens, happens for the best. I just wish I knew what's supposed to happen!

We went back over to the boat & Brett talked to the man. He stepped out & I smiled. He was a big man, dark hair, Hawaiian-print shirt not buttoned up all the way, slacks, no shoes, & stogie in hand. Looked like he was in the mafia. Anyway, I'm gonna' try & make this real short- we don't have enough. The guy wants $2,000. But we could still offer him $1,600.00. We have to make sure the boat can stay in the slip, or I dunno' what. The engine's shot. So that sucks real bad & a lot of people are lookin' at it right now. Some kid was there while we were & he was waitin' to look at the boat. We left & ate & talked about what to do. The slip costs 320/400 or somethin', & we'd need insurance & a month's rent. The guy- Don- said if we come tomorrow & give him 1,000, he'll sign it over to us. We'd mail him the rest. Then we went over to Augustino's boat again & I watched Brett walk down & over & he was soon in the boat. I smiled & laughed to myself, imagining Augustino bein' like, "Come on in!" & he was. Brett came right back up to get me & we brought all our **** down & Aug. made us Chai green tea & fed us dates. We talked to him about the boat & he gave us some info. Now- our second day here- we're sleeping in a sailboat! It's one Aug. sold to a friend & it's across from his. The friend won't be here tonight. Aug. even offered to make a duplicate of the key if we need to sleep here more than one night. Of course, we won't let that happen. (We did) We want this boat so bad! I wish it could just work out. It's an amazing deal. Goodnight.

Wed. 10-16-02

Okay, well- we're sittin' at the Amtrak depot the next day! I dunno' really what happened yesterday.Of course, we had to run into some kinda' bull****. (Actually, this was obviously a blessing I didn't recognize. At least we didn't have to arrive at 2:30 am!) So we had to stay in Martinez over night. & we're takin' the train this mornin' at 7:30. It's about 7. So yesterday, after we found this out, we walked over a small bridge & sat on a bench that overlooked the depot. We were gonna' stay up all night. It was only 6:30-40pm or so. We got a little high & went for a walk. We found a park & some grills, but no wood or water- therefore-no oats! We lay in the grass for a while & then walked over to an old train surrounded by a fence. We found a hole cut in the fence & went in. We climbed up to the top of the thing & smoked more. Then we watched some trains go by w/graffiti on 'em. On our next walk to find a 24hr market or somethin', I noticed one of the only places open. It was a Thai restaurant. I stopped & looked at their hours (open 'till 10:00-another 40 min.) & then glanced at their menus posted on the glass. We went in. I wanted to treat us. There was no one else in there as we lugged all our **** in & sat down. The woman seemed happy. "Waiting for train?" she asked. Yep. It was hard to understand much of anything else she said, but ****! It was THE best meal we've EVER had! The food was extremely delicious! Brett ordered some rice & some peanut sauce & I ordered Roma Tofu. Pan fried tofu w/eggplant & coconut milk (red bell peppers, green peppers & onions, & real good coffee too) First of all- she gave us extra rice & put it on both our plates for us. Then another woman comes w/more rice-"No extra charge," she says. Then came time to pay. I took out my check card & asked if I could leave the tip on that. The she tried her hardest to explain to us that their machine wasn't working. I went to go to the Wells Fargo a couple blocks down to get 20 out & suddenly Brett's next to me. "Go! You can't leave her like that!" she said. Or somethin' I guess. We got mints w/the bill too! & then we come back & she brings us 4 more mints. The bill was 11 somethin' & I left her 6 bucks & all the change as a tip. We leave & she runs out after us seconds later. Handing me a dollar she says, "You left me too much!" & runs away. It was like we just stepped inside some one's kitchen & were fed. & it was amazing food. We were high on the food & the service for the rest of the night & couldn't stop laughin' & talkin' about it. (Jesus loves us so much! He took the time to make such an ordinary thing into such a blessing! We were served by angels!)

Then Brett found a path across from the depot, that went along some beat up old buildings. We slept on the side of the path, against a fence. Weirdest spot left- but we were tired! A couple times, a big-*** train would go by & wake us up, but otherwise we had good sleep once we got in our sleeping bags! Train'll be here soon. We 'll be in L.A. at 9:00pm.

The train guy just said we're in Berkley. Never knew we'd be goin' through here. I guess we're in Emeryville though or somethin'. While we were goin' through Berkley, we were supposed to be able to look to our right & see the San Francisco Bay. (which I guess I did.) & also the island of Alcatraz. He said we could see the city of San Fran or somethin', but all I could see were trees in the way. Oh well. I dunno'. I also saw an extreme amount of graffiti. & I think Brett missed it all 'cause he's takin' a ****.

Tue. 10-15-02

We slept in the tree for the last time last night. It was extremely foggy on our way up. We couldn't even see the trees in front of us once we reached the park. It was foggy this mornin' too. We showed Seth the tree, so he can sleep there now, & we all smoked up. He's a "photographer" & he took a picture of the 3 of us & the 2 of us w/my camera. We're on the bus now-which I didn't think we would be. I'm real tired & we didn't say goodbye to Mariah & we won't see Kit. Getting my bike in the box was such a *****! It's pretty much completely taken apart. & both our boxes were too small, so they look all ghetto w/chunks of cardboard duct taped on 'em. We had to rush 'cause Brett took the time to walk & get the bike that's been sittin' at the Safeway for days - unlocked. But he couldn't get anything off of it, to fit it in the box. Anyway-my bike'll probably break by the time we reach L.A. Oh yeah-& we're arriving at 2:45 in the ******* morning! A short distance from Skid row. God protect us! Anyway- I guess this is what we're supposed to do- 'cause last night I prayed that everything work out if we're supposed to leave, & nothin' to work out if we shouldn't.

(Brett was up in his sleep. He had to pee real bad. He was REAL pissed & kept asking where the box was. I didn't say anything, 'cause I didn't know what the **** was goin' on & he's like, "Oh, so now we're all ******* silent!" Anyway-it was real funny.)

Mon. 10-14-02

Ate too much yesterday. But I was grateful. Went to Mariah's, got high & listened to her talk about the troubles she's havin' w/her roomies. Now this mornin' we're cookin' our oats on a fire this guy named Seth made. We're makin' enough for him too. Kit might be here tomorrow & we also might leave. After we eat breakfast we need to go find boxes so we actually have that option. Open mic tonight too.

I just bought the next notebook. A GREEN one. Yay. We smoked up this mornin' by some other kids (some girl who came from Manhattan & has a newborn black lab) one hit for us both & I was discouraged until a couple minutes afterwards & I was real high! They also had something which allowed 'em to make coffee. So I got free organic coffee too! Good morning! We've got boxes waiting for us for tomorrow mornin'. The people at the bike shop are lettin' us use it & store it there. So I'm supposing we're takin' the bus? I don't really remember, but I think I might have prayed for God to help us find boxes that'd work-if we should go straight to L.A., & not find any good enough-if we should bike it. Anyway, I'm gonna' go get 20 bucks outta' an ATM & see if we can't get more weed from these people who live in the big green bus.

We biked to Cassie's & I bought us half an 8th. We-I think-chilled at the marsh a while & then went for a bike ride & finally took a picture of our bikes all packed up near some cows. I recently read my poetry. I only read 3 though. I think I read 'em too fast & too quiet. Oh well! It's done. I went to the bathroom & knew that on my way back-Brett would be up there- & he was! ******. Anyway-it's real ritzy-lookin' here, but there's been real good poetry & cool people & free coffee (yummy too) & snacks. It's 9:30 & we're still still goin'. Still drinkin' coffee too!

Let's skip a day. Sun. 10-13-02

On Saturday, Brett got a pan! We hadn't been able to cook anything that whole time! Brett cooked us a meal w/our new pan at the park entrance on a park grill. We went to a farmer's market, & the night before hung out at Cassie's place w/ her, Mariah & some other girl. I wrote that it was gettin' real cold at night, but that it was still warm & cloudless during the day. Now we'll start w/Sunday...

We went up to the tree early. Like 3:30 or somethin'. I go down to pee & when I come back up, Brett & this guy are jammin'. Brett on his sax & this guy on his guitar. Actually, they had just finished jammin' 'cause some lady came & asked them to stop 'cause there were students tryin' to record the sound of the forest. Brett told her what she was askin' was wrong & that they were the sound of the forest then, but they gave the lady her 5 min. of silence anyway. This guy- named Heat or somethin'- he packed us both our own bowls & the three of us sat on top of the huge tree stump near our tree. After we got high- Heat didn't even smoke any- the three of us jammed, this time my viola involved. We took turns switchin' off w/the instruments. Then Heat left & Brett later went back down to cook more for us & I read my book 'till it was too dark & Brett returned w/the food. It's morning now & I'm sittin' w/our **** by one of the grills, gatherin' wood & just stopped to write all this quick. Brett went to get us some breakfast (oatmeal maybe? Soy milk!) Oh- & Brett really wants to at least try & bike to San Fran. I have to think about what I want to do.

I hear some ***holes yellin'. Some guy is shouting to another about - he's gonna' "kick his ***. Come down here punk*** "& **** like that. Sounds just like a ******' man! I think he even said somethin' like, "this is MY town." Anyway, I pull out my viola & walk in the field which is near the parking lot where this is happenin'. I play real loud & obnoxious so I don't have to hear this ****. These big boys tryin' to prove their ****-strength. As I'm playin', I stop once in a while & it's a little quieter now. I mean, this guy was just yellin' so loud & evil. I see him & two others walk out, like- "Come on man!" I yell to 'em-"BIG BOYS! Real strong!"- or somethin', I can't remember. They look at me wailin' my bow around. I walk back to the bench & put my arms, like I'm flexin' & go, "UH!" Brett's back w/the food.

After I come out of the grocery store from *******', Brett tells me some guy told him about the church that's right behind us (we never knew) that's about to serve a meal & coffee at 1:00. Sittin' at a table w/Brett & two other guys. One obviously sped. 5 other guys at the next table. No other girls. Drinkin' 2nd cup of coffee, eatin' an apple pie thing. Had 3 little chocolate doughnuts & the guy behind the counter's cookin' some spinach pie-type things. Yum. Only wish I had a joint.

Fri. 10-11-02

Brett & I sat in the hot sun yesterday, drinking coffee & writing poetry at the plaza. Then we moved to the marsh & continued writing & sharing it all w/each other. We're kinda' plannin' on doin' an open mic at Jacoby's Storehouse. I can't- oh yeah- it's on Monday. The day before we might leave. Anyway, I'm sittin' in the laundromat in this dirty hippie dress I took from Cassie (she was gettin' rid of clothes) & I'm gonna' throw it away soon. I've got a few pages left of my book,as well as in this notebook. So I've gotta' buy a new notebook & Sexual Politics & find room for it all. Brett's gettin' change for the machines to eat up.

- I'll skip just a bit here. As a small note for this day, I wrote ("Funny how freaked out we were of the giant crickets!) These things would only come out at night. We never saw them in the tree during the day. But whenever we woke up at night to go to the bathroom, they would be all over the inside wall of the tree. Just sitting there, looking at us. I always thought they were wondering who in the world we were & what we were doing in their home! I described them as spider crickets. They looked like a mix of the two, & they were very large, with very big back legs. Brett always chose to climb the inside wall of the tree & pee off the top. I would hold our flashlight for him, so he could be sure not to touch one! I chose to crawl out the little doorway. Ya had to get down on yr hands & knees & really crawl for a bit, to squeeze yrself out. Brett would then hold the flashlight for me, to make sure I wasn't rubbing my back against the things! They were polite hosts though, all they did was look at us. They never hurt us or came near us. At least not that we know of! -

Some guy at the laundromat starts talkin' to us about our instruments, music & I let him play my viola a little. Then he shares somethin' w/us that has just blown his mind. A buncha' **** about how life is a never ending cycle. Okay- no ****. That's cool. He's talkin' all this crazy science ****, that- yeah- is knowledge- but he's missing the main *******, important thing that ******' links it all together. GOD! & he's cool. We tell him that no-God isn't a ******' 3 letter word, you know? Words are words, & sometimes they can't explain ****! I tell him I'd rather read the bible. Just so he knows where I stand. You know? Um... & yeah, Brett's right. He's lookin' for God, but he just doesn't know it.Well, God's lookin' for him too. & I'm just frustrated that we couldn't be those messengers for God. That I don't know my bible well enough, to open it up to something that'll let him know. That'll blow his mind.I mean, I just feel so bad for the guy. & he tells us, when we're leavin', to spread the word. SPREAD WHAT ******' WORD!? The only word we should be spreadin', is GOD"S. Not pointless **** that only leads up to God.Spread the raw ***** man. But he kinda' got it. I mean, the three of us weren't arguing w/each other or anything. No, no yellin'. Anyways, I just bought my book. 3 bucks & 78 cents. We're goin' to Mariah's later, so Brett's gettin' some food to cook. & some blank tapes so we can record some good music she has. I'm gonna' read.

We're at Mariah's. I came back from going to buy some fruit & Brett's on the phone w/Kit. He had called for Mariah, but she's not here. Kit's supposedly gonna' be here on Tuesday- the day we plan on leaving. So Kit tells Brett he dropped out of school & is deciding between a million things things to do w/his life right now & that he's gonna' go back to be a lawyer or some ****, even though he loves writing & he's got like one semester left of English. & that no! we shouldn't go to L.A. & live on sailboat. -Kit!- you've done that w/Brett already! What do you mean don't!? Huh? He says what Brett & I are doin' is good. Somethin' strange. So Brett says, "Dude, then get a bike & do it w/ me & Cristy." "No man, I gotta' go back to school."

& he's renting an apt. w/ Eric. & he tells us we should come BACK! WHAT KIT? I'm sad because I think he's losing his mind. Turnin' into somebody else. I'd like to think that if we stayed a while longer- which would just suck to do, I wanna' move again!- I could sit him down & talk w/him. But Brett says there's no common ground when talkin' to him (which I experienced w/ their last little bout). Unless maybe you tie him to a chair & put a rag around his mouth. But I think I could get SOMETHING through to him!

Wed & Thurs 10-9 & 10-10, 2002 Just a Summary

We never stayed up all night. The next day I finally got a throw away camera. I wrote about how late it was to have a camera, because of all the beautiful stuff we had already seen. But I figured it was all in our heads...we could paint or draw it all if we ever wanted to share it. The next day Mariah talked to Kit & he said he didn't have Augustino's number. That was the guy in southern cali that bought Brett & Kit's small sailboat when they were out there the first time. I don't remember exactly why we wanted to get a hold of him at this time. I don't remember already wanting a sailboat. Although I always had some strange passion for sailboats that was always very vague.

Tue. 10-8-02

Just woke up & went out of the tree for a pee. I've got my toilet paper buried everywhere. Last night when we got in here, before we smoked up, Brett pulls out a snickers. Yay! A yummy surprise. Then he says, "too bad we're eating this now, 'cause we'll want one after we smoke," as he pulls out another one. Yay! (writing this now, I can't believe how much of our time was spent "smoking up!" Thanks Lord, for freeing me from this waste of time!!)

We got our free bread for the day & go up the hill to the bus stop to fix my tire, 'cause the thing's ruined. Brett decides to go get his tire that he left by the school to use on my bike. He comes back & tells me about the real nice tire he saw for 10 bucks. I hand him money & he goes to get it. Then the tire pump breaks, so then Brett busts it over his leg & he's on his way to get another one I think. I'm sittin' here drinkin' the jug of juice we bought. We still gotta' go to the library, which is right next to us, & we got a late start this morning anyway. Oh well. We're gonna' see how much Amtrak tickets are from here to San Fran., & from San Fran. to L.A. & then decide what we wanna' do. 'cause we're not waitin' around for Kit anymore. Maybe not even the Lou Barlow show in Eureka.

We went to the library & figured out that, well, actually, we've got a reservation #- so um, if we want, we can leave a week from today (the 15th) on a bus to Martinez (above Oakland) 36 bucks each & $36 more each from there. Then take a train to Bakersfield (which is 2hrs & 45 min. away from L.A.) but then, we could also take a bus to L.A. from there, or just bike. So if we do this, we might be able to still see Kit & go to the show this Sunday. So- we still don't know! We're not even sure if there'd be room for our bikes. 90% chance? But I'm down. We found some abandoned building that's got some people livin' in it & smoked some. Now we're sittin' by the Safeway, drinkin' soy, coffee & eatin' bread. Maybe stay up all night??

Continued writings from the marsh on 10-10-02

Basking in the sun so long
Writing, writing, spewing
Getting up & riding my bike
Completely numb
From the continued warmth &
Deep gold that seeped
Into my brain
Through my lips & burnt lids
I'll taste it all at
Any moment & sporadically
Throw it away, on whims, on some
Accident of
My mind. & I'll still
Knowingly suffocate myself in this
Life of being. I'm scared to death, & I'm
Overwhelmed w/joy.