Sat. 11-9-02

Okay well, it's Saturday morning & I still haven't written about Thursday night. So anyway, I think we decided to go to bed after I had gone up to the bathroom after Brett, my heart pounding so fast. So we climb into bed, & Seth climbs into a quarter berth & I feel like we're climbing into coffins. The first thing I really remember is when the light went out. I started to feel really strange. "Brett?" I ask, & he just hugs me in the dark. Then I feel like he maybe feels like I do & he can kinda' just read my mind. So he's hugging me & I feel like we've left our bodies & I'm scared 'cause I think we're both dying maybe, & I don't want us to. I think about how sad our families would be. I tell him to turn on the light. Please! Then I keep asking him how he feels & he says fine. & I keep saying, "are u lying to me?" "Cause I'm hopin' he's feelin' the same way, & I don't want him to just say he feels okay, to make me feel better. 'Cause it wasn't. I wanted to hear that he felt the same way. Then I told him that I saw death & I was scared & to please pray for me. "Are you praying for me? Please pray for me Brett." Then for a second I say, "Thank you! I'm fine now, I'll be OK, I'll be OK." & I hug him. Then I feel it again, so I say, " Don't stop praying though." Oh yeah- I also said I almost forgot- or I was gonna' forget how to breathe 'cause the part of me that was breathing & the other part of me (my soul) was completely disconnected. Anyway, eventually we get up to go to the bathrooms, although I really didn't want to. - This was after Brett had the light on & was holding my face & hugging me 'cause I was either completely stiff or shaking very badly. So we go to the bathrooms & I pee (I'm in the men's w/him- I don't want him to leave me) Then we go to leave, but I wanna' puke, so he makes me go back into the bathroom & I get real hot once I reach the toilet. "I'm hot! I'm hot! Take it off! Take it off!" & I don't puke, but I remember almost passing out. Brett holding on to me by the toilet & my head & eyes rolling. But I don't pass out & before we leave the bathroom again, Brett tells me where we are & what we're doing & says there's something wrong w/me & he might have to call someone & to please just try to deal. So we go back to the boat & lay down again. & I don't remember much else except that I told Brett to play the recorder. "Grab the tape recorder. You have to rewind it though." & he played it. The **** we had recorded that night, before I realized how high I was. I remember that when it was over, I said it made me feel better. & it did. Although, I still asked Brett if it'd be OK for me to pass out, 'cause I thought I might die if I did. But I started to anyway, & I remember every once in a while, Brett shakin' me a little & sayin' my name, to make sure I kept breathing. So yesterday we were complete mush brains. We ended up takin' our clothes to the laundromat to dry. We walked in our pajamas & barefoot through the rain & cold. Some guy near the laundromat saw me & gave me his bagel (after I told him, "no, it's OK. Really, I don't need it"). After that we just bought a little food & got our bikes & came to the boat. Today we work on getting a P.O. box!